So now what?
You've been feeling like theres something wrong with the church you are in, perhaps you've been unable to articulate the problem however you've been talking to former members, who have put words to the feelings that you've been having.
So where too from here?
If this is a church that you have been involved in with for some time, the thought of leaving it will scare the crap out of you. I'd heard all the derogatory things about people who got into church hopping, moving from one church to the next, and then leaving because they didnt like some aspect of the new church. And was damm determined that I would never be one of those people, however gto stay where I was, was damaging my relationship with Christ.
I remember one night in church looking at the senior pastor praying for a couple, and even from the back of the church, thanks to the big screen televisions, I could see this pastor pushing them and trying to make them fall. Dont get me wrong, I believe that the Holy Spirit is alive and active in the church today, however He does not require people to act for Him. Then of course there was the memorable time when I went foward for prayer, and was in the moment, talking with God and the Pastor came along and prayed, and I felt him throw something on me, and assumed that it was water or oil. Afterwards, I realised this man had emptied communion wine over my head and of course, I happened to be wearing a white top. Now I know the symbolic meaning of communion wine symbolising the blood of Jesus, but for heavens sake, throwing red wine on someone thats wearing white.
There was several continual feelings. One was the feeling of being constantly under condemnation, for not paying my full tithe, for not getting down and helping with the working bee. Never mind the fact that the working bees were always on a Saturday when I was at work, trying to earn enough money to support myself as a student, and funny enough so I would actually have something to put in the offering plate on a sunday. Or for not being in two services on a sunday, I finally have a proper weekend, for the first time in three years, I actually have 2 whole days of a week. During study, I would get to Sunday and be so knackered from 5 days study and one days work, that I only had energy for one service. Nothing we ever did was good enough.
Romans 8:1 There is therefore now no condemnation to those who are in Christ Jesus,[a] who do not walk according to the flesh, but according to the Spirit.
Paul is very clear, God does not bring condemnation. So, this raises the million dollar question, how do we know the difference. I read it somewhere and as soon as I can find the reference I will post it, but basically it defined condemnation as something that makes a person conform, that is, they are squeezed from the outside, and as a result of that external pressure, they conform, or they change, so that they can fit in with what ever group they are in. Change happens from the outside in. This external pressure, this condemnation and conformity brings stress, tiredness, worry and depression, things that are definately not listed as fruits of the spirit.
Where as, Gods conviction brings about transformation, that is, instead of being squished from the outside, and changed as a result of peer pressure, change comes as we allow the Holy Spirit to counsel us and correct us, and change comes as a result of wanting to change because what God speaks settles into our hearts and we see the truth in that and change occurs from the inside out. This version 0f christianity is refreshes our soul, gives us strength to deal with our daily lives in a manner that brings glory to Christ.
Another aspect of my old church, and one that I encountered after talking to former members, was the absolute belief in the word that was preached across the pulpit, and questioning of doctrine, and the senior pastor was the same as questioning God.
Acts 17:11 11 And the people of Berea were more open-minded than those in Thessalonica, and they listened eagerly to Paul’s message. They searched the Scriptures day after day to see if Paul and Silas were teaching the truth.
Now if it was good enough for people to question Paul, and to search the scriptures to check up what Paul was saying was backed up by scripture, then why should it be an issue for a pastor in modern times to have his teaching opened to scrutiny. I mean, Paul wrote a large chunk of the new testament. IMO, nothing scares a genuine teacher/preacher more than teaching error, IMO if they are secure in themselves and their relationship with God then they wont mind taking the time to explain where they are coming from, or how their point is supported by scripture.
So, again, I have highlighted a bunch of points without giving any direction, so the question remains, now what?
Take a holiday, take some time away from your church, its telling, in two ways. If you are in a healthy environment, people will wish you well, and you will go with their blessing. In an unhealthy envir0nment, the leaders know that if people take time away from the pressures of the church, often they wont come back.
Most importantly, dont be afraid to read the bible, and to ask questions. Healthy and well balanced people dont have a problem with people asking questions
Also, pray for God to give you clear direction on where he would have you go.
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